Today marks my third Wednesday at my internship with LifeLine Toledo. Getting here was a whirlwind. I finished finals, my presidency (:P), watched one of my best friends graduate, then packed all my stuff and immediately came to Toledo. My parents and Jake helped me move into a convent turned recovery center where I stay in the head nun’s room (I find that funny). I feel like I jumped into everything in true Adams fashion: juggling huge items on each appendage while simultaneously looking at a watch that is about a half hour too late. The beautiful thing about taking a plunge like that is that as soon as I hit the water, the things I was juggling slip away from me as I sink into it. That may not make sense to some people, but the rush of hitting the new water of LifeLine has felt like that. I hit the water full force, knocking everything else out of my hands. As I am slowing coming up for air, I feel a peace. That light feeling you get when you just let the water carry you up? That’s the one.
The very first day of my internship I was done at 3. I nearly lost my mind sitting in that nun’s room with nothing to do, in a city I have never been and that I have been warned way too many times is not safe for a young woman. I sat there realizing that God was yet again laughing at me. Not in a mean way, but in a way that says “You wanted this.” Because I did, and I do. I sat there thinking about how often, when I am overwhelmed, I say “God I just want to run away to the mountains so you can meet me there. Or to an old convent where I could just hear you.” I need to be more careful what I say to the Lord apparently… J My mama has been telling me for so long to slow down. I gladly ignore the woman, because I simply do not want to slow down. I want to keep going at top speed having more and as many adventures as I can. In the past year I have been to Uganda, Montana twice for leadership weeks, nationals for soccer, Atlanta for urban missions, and everything in between. Mama says I need to process everything and take a sabbatical of sorts. There is not a single part of me that wants to do that. Why? Well, I have a guess as to why. I want to serve the Lord, but don’t want the vulnerability that comes with allowing Him, or anyone else, to serve me. The CEO of Cherry Street Mission (one of the organizations I am working with) told me “You can only serve others to the capacity to which you allow Christ to serve you.” Allowing God to serve me would mean I would have to deal with some crud in my spirit that I don’t want to. Sitting in His presence sheds light on all of the dark places in my heart, and it is painful! However painful it is, I know it is necessary.
I haven’t spoken much about what I am actually doing, but I feel as though that it is all working to the above end. God uses anything. I’m discovering more and more that it is not about the tasks that I accomplish, but about the transformation that takes place in the process. I am blessed to be in the place that I am. I am surrounded by people who want to pour into my life and put me in a position to hear God best. A lot has happened in the past 2.5 weeks so if I seem like my head is swimming, it just might be a little bit. J For those of you who want to know some specific things I am doing with my internship I’ll put a short list below:
-Living with 17 women who are working to get their lives back on track after hardships ranging from addiction to failed relationships
-Working with men at Cherry Street Mission who are attempting the same thing
-Working with Food For Thought every Friday and Saturday. FFT is a weekly project that has been going on for the past 5 years. We make sack lunches and then pass them out/hang out in a corner parking lot in downtown Toledo on Saturday mornings.
-Participate in Robinwood Church, a house church that looks just like Acts 2
So, there is my life in a nutshell. I am going to try to do better at updating what is going on. Thanks to those who are praying for me and walking alongside me. I am blessed by you daily.
::By His Grace & For His Glory::